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Sep 30, Susan rated it really liked it So far this is fascinating and enlightening. The only Crosstalk by deborah tannen I'm unsure about is whether the author will provide good suggestions for how to bridge the gap between typical masculine and typical feminine styles of communication.
But I love how she is careful to always point out how BOTH have to compromise some but also BOTH have inherent value--one is not better than the other, one should not conform more to the other. May 09, Amanda rated it really liked it I'm a big believer in fate and the universe.
So when this book was literally dropped into my lap, I took it as a sign. I figured that by reading this book, maybe I could figure out what I was doing wrong, why I was constantly being misinterpreted.
And how to make things work. I liked this book a lot; it made sense. I like things that make sense. Deborah Tannen is a sociolinguist and in this book, she studies the conversational styles between men and women. She explains that communication between I'm a big believer in fate and the universe.
She explains that communication between men and women are cross cultural exchanges. We have learned how to talk differently, the same phrases don't mean the same things, and what we intend are often mysteries.
I guess instead of learned, I should say conditioned. She looks at how men and women perceive the world and their relationships. And it makes sense. I am a woman, and that is indeed how I perceive the world and my relationships. She explains that women approach the world as an individual trying to make connections.
We are trying to protect ourselves from others' attempts to push us away, we want to preserve intimacy and avoid isolation.
Men, on the other hand, see the world as a hierarchy. Basically, they view everything as a battle, they want to preserve independence and avoid failure.
The idea that we are talking at cross-purposes makes sense to me too. She points out that men are annoyed when women talk about their problems, but don't take their advice. It's because we are not asking for advice, we are asking for sympathy, for the men to share a similar problem so we know that we are not alone.
Men see things literally, she has a problem, i have a solution. The friendship chapter was especially important to me.
A woman-woman friendship is waaay diffrent than a man-man one.
Women have always shared their feelings, thoughts, and opinions with one offering a similar experience. To women, friendship means sharing secrets, trusting each other enought to reveal personal feelings, establishing intimacy.
We expect reciprosity, I tell you a secret, you tell me a secret.
Intimacy is what separates friends from acquaintances. Men, on the other hand, have relationships of action. They talk less to their friends because the share experiences by doing things or talking about sports or whatever.
For women, talk is the glue that holds friendships together. Silence on the man's part is seen as distance, isolation. Women are afraid of that and they try harder to accomodate themselves so that they do not lose intimacy. Which, in turn, frustrates the male because he feels like she is trying to limit his independence.
He doesn't see the need to talk about feelings, and when she talks about problems, he doesn't realize she's asking him to share, so he gives advice, which she sees as not trusting her to fix the problem on her own. Which basically sums up every conversation that I have ever had with the opposite sex in my entire life.
But only a little. She backs up all these observations with examples and when I hear the way I talk and the way other people talk, I see that she is totally right. At least on the woman's side.The male on the receiving end, however, can take it or leave it as the example in Crosstalk by Deborah Tannen showed.
In the example, the male employee thought about helping the female coworker but later decided not to help. Presents an interview with Deborah Tannen, 49, author of the best-seller `You Just Don't Understand.' Her new book, `Talking From 9 to 5'; Her views on the difference in men's and women's conversational styles and how that difference can cause miscommunication and strife; The solution.
General Audience Articles Scholarly Articles Audio/Video " Our Hillary Problem," a conversation with Deborah Tannen and Donna Brazile. More Magazine October , pp. , " CrossTalk: Women and Men Talking." The Professional Communicator (Fall ). Deborah Tannen. Home About.
Bio Speaking Engagement Information Academic CV Events Media Books. You're the Only One I Can Tell You Were Always Mom's Favorite! "CrossTalk: Women and Men Talking." The Professional Communicator (Fall ), pp. , Deborah Tannen, CrossTalk What happens when women and men attempt to communicate in the workplace?
The author, a noted authority on cross-gender communication, offers tips for working women to help keep the lines of communication open. Deborah Tannen, “Cross Talk” () Who is Tannen’s audience for this essay? What is her rhetorical purpose?
What evidence from the essay supports your answers?